It can be upsetting when someone you love is suffering with their mental health. When you want to help, the most important thing is to be led by them - everyone will have different needs and preferences.
Mental health difficulties can make you feel disempowered and out-of-control, so it’s crucial to respect their boundaries and let them be in charge of decisions around their own life and recovery. Here are some ideas.
- The first step is to acknowledge and believe how much they are suffering right now. No-one can fully understand what someone else is going through, but you can let them know that you see how hard things are for them right now.
- Make time for them - suggest ways you can spend quality time together.
- Lessen their load as much as possible - offer to take on things like housework, preparing for the baby, looking after older kids, errands. If you’re not able to help, support others to offer help instead.
- If they are a postnatal parent, they may want you to take care of the baby for short periods so they can get some sleep, or they might prefer you to take on other tasks so they can bond with the new baby.
- Listen to them. Try to see things from their perspective rather than bringing things back to your own feelings.
- Never imply that you blame them for how they are feeling, or judge them for any negative thoughts they are having. Even if you have suggestions for how they could be doing things better, be careful about how you offer advice - always ask them whether they are interested in your ideas right now.
Positive relationships are crucial to recovering from mental health difficulties. It can be really difficult and you might feel frustrated that you can’t make your loved one feel better, but just being there for them will really help.
Take care of your own needs too - people whose partners or loved ones are experiencing mental health problems are at increased risk themselves. See the other sections on this website.