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FAQs

If I’m honest about how I’m feeling, will social services get involved? Will they take my baby away?

Parental mental health problems are almost always not safeguarding issues, but this is a common worry. Many new parents worry about telling people about their anxiety or low mood as they think it might reflect badly on their parenting. This is not the case. We acknowledge that practice in the past may have been far from perfect, and health services in the past have perpetuated the stigma against parents with mental health problems, especially those from otherwise marginalised groups.

But currently, our guidance from children’s social care (opens in a new tab) is clear – we only need to refer families where parental mental health (or other issues) are affecting capacity to parent safely or affect the baby’s development. This is not the case for the majority of mental health problems. Even if you feel like your mental health is stopping you from being the best parent you can be, this is unlikely to be so bad that it is a safeguarding issue. For the small number of families where there is a risk to the baby, so a social services referral is needed, their priority is to keep families together and to provide parents with the right support to be able to parent well.

We’re here to help you, and to reassure you that, with support, you can get better and go on to thrive in parenthood. Managing a mental health problem can actually give you additional skills that can help parenting – if you’re learning how to cope with your own anxiety, for example, you’ll have some ways to help your little one calm down and cope with their own feelings.

For more information on what support is available, see the page How can I get help?

For more information on children’s social care in pregnancy, see Tommy's website. (opens in a new tab)

Help! I just had a thought about harming my baby! Am I going crazy? Will it come true?

These thoughts are incredibly common. In fact most new parents experience unwanted intrusive thoughts about the baby coming to harm. The thought or image can be of intentional or unintentional harm. Often the form of harm is quite violent, like dropping the baby or hitting them against something.

These thoughts do not increase the risk of the baby coming to harm.

For most parents, these thoughts are an unpleasant but normal part of their experience. Researchers think it probably just reflects the brain’s new preoccupation with keeping the baby safe.

However, the thoughts can sometimes be part of a mental health problem if they are frequent, distressing, or if you find yourself repeating a different thought or an action to try keep the thoughts away, or to keep your baby safe. Intrusive thoughts like this can be part of depression, anxiety, or OCD, and there are evidence based treatments out there that can really help. See How can I get help webpage.

Something completely different, and much, much rarer, is a parent being so distressed or confused that they want or intend to hurt the baby, themselves, or someone else. This is a mental health crisis; seek help immediately.

I’m feeling guilty because I read that poor mental health during pregnancy can harm the baby.

This one is really hard. If you’re already feeling bad, the last thing you need is anyone making you feel as though your emotions are harming your child. And how you’re feeling right now is not your fault – no-one causes their own mental health problems.

On a population basis, untreated mental health problems do increase the chance of certain health problems in pregnancies and babies such as preterm birth and low birthweight. But the good news is that mental health difficulties in pregnancy are generally very treatable with the right help and support.

If you’re ready for talking therapies, the waiting list shouldn’t be long. And almost all mental health medications are very safe in pregnancy – the very small risks they carry are outweighed by the risk to the baby of an untreated mental health problem.

For more information see Tommy's website. (opens in a new tab)

I’m taking a mental health medication, and am planning a pregnancy/just got pregnant. Should I stop taking it?

No. Almost all mental health medications are so safe in pregnancy that the small risks they carry are outweighed by the risk to the baby of having a deterioration in your mental health.

If your mental health has been good for a while, and there was already a plan to slowly reduce the dose and stop, you may wish to continue with this plan. But since pregnancy, birth and having a new baby can be very stressful, you may wish to continue for now, and come off the medication once you have settled into the postnatal period.

In most cases, the safest option is to continue taking the medication, but some people may wish to slowly reduce their medication while replacing it with an effective talking therapy.

If you are interested in exploring stopping your medication, is important to keep taking it until you have discussed this with your GP (or other prescriber). This will enable you to:

  • make an informed decision, weighing up the risks and benefits
  • reduce the dose in the right way to avoid unpleasant side effects
  • discuss signs and symptoms of your mental health problem coming back, and what the plan would be if this happened