David Cope is a senior analyst/programmer in the research and development EDGE Project. David has worked at CUH since 2013 and told us what being diagnosed with Autism later in life was like.
Getting confirmation of high functioning autism in my late 50's was a revelation. Not least because, at last, here was a concrete mechanism to explain why my life had been a roller coaster of deep lows punctuated with great highs.
Up to that point
I was, unknowingly, playing the “fitting in” game, the one where you get to wear a mask and pretend to be like everyone else you perceive as “normal”.
David Cope
And it was exhausting - physically and mentally exhausting, but, more than that, it led to a form of imposter syndrome fed by anxiety and insecurity.
Apart from the major impact on my personal life - divorce and an estranged relationship with my daughter - it also affected my working life in a big way. Navigating the workplace was a real time nightmare to try and understand office politics, interpersonal relationships and the ebb and flow of office dynamics. My younger self saw many burnouts from trying to pursue my passion for sound, video and photography - I loved the intersection of the arts and technology which was a typical High Functioning Autism special interest for me.
The technical and creative aspects of that type of work I was fine with, the social interactions not so much. Never mind that I was putting myself into environments that provided sensory overload without realising it - yet these were my special interests that, to me, were vital, yet I could not understand why others could prosper and I could not. My love of the technical and creative eventually found an outlet in computing where I had a universe at my fingertips.
Having access to a NHS mental health team as well as structured counselling from the MIND charity worked wonders for me. It was very tough at times to unpick decades of learned behaviours (one of the reasons it’s hard for psychologists to diagnose older people apparently) so that I could reduce the daily anxiety from my neurodiverse behaviours.
It is also incredibly empowering knowing there is a whole industry out there dedicated to mental health wellbeing and that social taboos are being challenged.
My own research started with a “there is something wrong with me” premise and with the help of others ended up with a “there is nothing wrong with me” conclusion.
David Cope
If you believe in karma then whilst one NHS role ended during my diagnostic phase, another one opened up which gave me a clean slate and fresh start to put into practice what I had learned about myself in the previous few years.
Here, I was confident enough to talk about my High Functioning Autism to my new manager at CUH and was met with a positive response. I am proud to work in the NHS and CUH makes a genuine effort to understand and provide for neurodiverse employees.
David Cope
The recent conversion to working from home, although due to tragic circumstances, has been great for me, as I am able to control my environment and moderate my sensory inputs. The upshot is a calmer me, a more productive me and a happier me.